thankful this time of year

Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves
There's so much sorrow
It's way too late to say
I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It's so long overdue

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences
There is a place we're all connected
Each of us can find each other's light

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more

There's so much to be thankful for

this time of year it seems that most people try to go out of their way to be nice and to greet other people.

i know that what i have wanted to do i haven't always got.

but i do know that i am on my way to bigger and better things.

i am about to graduate from college in 9 months with a degree in family life.

to some that might sound like a fluffy major.

it's not. it is amazing and it will help me in my life once i become a wife and a mother.

i don't know if i will go to nursing school, i don't know if i will go to Duke but there are some things i do know and for those things i am very thankful.

i am thankful for:

the knowledge that i have of the gospel

the opportunity that i have to be at byu

the roommates that i have

my parents and siblings

temples and the ordinances that are performed there

the chance that i will have to be a wife and a mother

my residence in the USA

trying to figure out what the future holds for me

So Friday, Oct. 30 I heard back from the nursing office. It wasn't a good response. I think I've come to accept that decision. Only because I can kinda see a graduation date in sight. Yes, that's right. I'll be graduating from Brigham Young University in August 2010 hopefully. So technically it's only one semester from my 4 years after high school date. I thought that was pretty good seeing as the major that I'll be graduating in hasn't been offically declared.

Let's go back to Friday.

I woke up after sleeping in. Decided to head to the temple to do baptisms to get my mind off things, spent 2 hours there. Came back and destressed my body with a workout. Took a shower and passed the remaining 2.5 hours with catching up on my weekly t.v. shows. Then 5 pm comes around and I decide to check my email. (At this time no one was home with me.) I open it up and automatically go to the 2nd paragraph where it states "congratulations" or "we're sorry to inform you". Well mine said "we're sorry to inform you". I shout out "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!" I didn't know what else to say at the time. So I sent out text messages to my family who I thought would care and sat there. I was fine until it hit me and I started bawling. Then my mom calls and it gets worse. She reminded me that I said that I wouldn't cry. I think I went through all stages of grieve in that one conversation. While talking to my mom, Charlie comes home and sees me crying and comes and sits next to me on the couch. I get off the phone and explain everything for Char and we have a little heart-to-heart chat. I am very thankful for a roommate like her. She made my day better!! She suggested we go to dinner and we go to Olive Garden. We get back from dinner and she goes to study and I start letting things replay in my head and the water works start again. I made myself so sick and my eyes hurt so bad so I just laid down on my bed and actually feel asleep. I slept until Sam got home and told her. And we had table time. Then it was back to bed for me.

Saturday was Stake Conference and I tried so hard to listen for promptings that would help me in this very stressful time. Sunday the same thing. I didn't get any life changing revelations so I was back to my usual prayer and scripture study.

The tears still come and go. But they are not as bad as they were on Friday.

I go to the advisement center on Monday to change my major from pre-nursing to school of family life. Well they tell me that I have to do a petition because I'm a senior and they don't like seniors changing majors. I try to tell them that it's not a real major and they still make me do all the paper work for it. So I do it. And then the guy at the desk tells me that my petition has to go get reviewed by the advisors, the director of the program and the dean of the school and that I should know whether or not my petition has gotten approved next Tuesday.

So if it is approved then I will have 2 semesters left after Christmas. Winter 2010 and Spring 2010 with a graduation date of August 13, 14, 2010. It seems so crazy that it isn't that far away. I don't feel like I should be graduating yet.

Then hopefully it's back to school in the fall for an accelerated nursing program. But if that doesn't work out then I'm still thinking of serving a mission for the church.

I have a lot of things about my future that is unsure and I don't like that. It's faith that I need- in order to step out into the darkness a footstep or two and it is then that the path will be lit again.

I've left out a lot of things about this whole experience but the gist is there. Now I'm trying to figure out what the future holds for me.

Maybe I'll just start traveling the world in August or maybe I'll meet my future husband my last semester here and get married 3 months later... :)... not!

I'll never know until it happens and then I'll look back on my life in several years and wonder why I ever worried as much as I do.